Why are men so scared of marriage?

My reaction to Goldsmith's article:

For ages men have been afraif of commitment and everything associated wih marriage. It is not quite sure why so many bachelors are so afraid to tie the knot. But, after reading Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study by Belinda Goldsmith, I think it is clear why some men crawl into a hole and wimper like a hurt animal when it comes to tying the knot. According to the article, the number one reason is due to marrying the wrong person. Quite an understandable and reasonable fear. Any reasonable person would understand this if men were a little more opened to the opposite sex in terms of these fellings. Generally, speaking when it comes to commitment most women will be a pusher. In other words, try to make the male commit but, the male is a little open to his felling and expressed his fear then the female would generally allow some space for thinka and deciding what is right for her. She would allow space and even begin to wait if she is soley interested. This would allow the tension and pressure to ease and if the relationship was meant to be then marriage was most likely meant to be as well.

Crazy as it sounds some men feel pressured when mariiage is being pushed under their nose. They feel like they are being forced into something that will untimately ruin their life--something that they will do anything to get out of. So my advice is give the man in your life some space (if he needs it). Don't make him feel like he has a gun pointed to his head when it comes to marriage. Allow enough space and things will become clear to all parties involved. Let me know how you feel about the article or just any comments you may have.

Goldsmith's article: Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study

Jun 2, 2008
SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) - Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single -- and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage -- but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
"This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."
The release of his book "So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed," comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men -- and women -- to tie the knot.
Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.
AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES
Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors -- about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.
Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.
But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.
"It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated," he said.
Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men's fear of commitment.
"Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.
"While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."
Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.
"A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married."
For him, researching the book made him also look at himself -- and he ended up living with a girlfriend for the first time.
"Now we're looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would," he said.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080602/lf_nm_life/books_bachelors_dc

-Nerina

A New Way to Betting Jet Lag

One of the worst feeling in my opinion when travelling on long flights is the feeling of jet lag. While traveling to abroad, I had the misfortune of experience this feeling every time. However, after reading Skip The Pretzels: Starving May Fend Off Jet Lag by Julie Steenhuysen, I think I found a way to bet if not prevent jet lag altogether. Typically, when we travel stress as well as other emotions tends to get the better of us. This typically results in loss or appetite and such. However, even with this we are plunged into jet lag mode. The key according to Julie Steenhuysen's article is starving. Starving sends a second internal clock into works when food is scare. If we can manipulate this clock then this may helps us adjust to new time zones or even beat jet lag.

Snippet from article...

"A period of fasting with no food at all for about 16 hours is enough to engage this new clock," said Dr. Clifford Saper of Harvard Medical School, whose study appears in the journal Science.
He said a person from the United States traveling to Japan must adjust to a 11-hour time change. Because the body's clock can only shift a small amount each day, it takes the average person about a week to adjust to the new time zone. And, by then, it's often time to come home," Saper said in a statement. Saper and colleagues knew that when food is scarce, animals are able to override their normal biological clock to improve their chances of finding food. Studies have shown that mice fed only during the time when they normally sleep shift their body clocks to this new schedule. "They would be awake and alert and ready to go an hour or two before a meal was due to appear to have maximal chance of getting the food," Saper said in a telephone interview.
"This is built into the brain. The problem is, nobody knew how it worked," he said. Saper said when food is scarce, this second clock can override the body's primary clock. He said these same clock genes are known to be in all mammals, including humans. While skipping meals ahead of a long flight or night shift has not been proven to work in humans, it may be worth a try.

Indeed it is worth a try to help avoid the feelings associated with jet lag. I can personally say when taking long flight that are more than 5 hours do not make the mistaking of traveling economy. When I was going to India, this was the biggest mistake I made on a 16 hour flight. In addition, I have attached the link for anyone interested in reading the full article. Let me know what you think.

http://health.yahoo.com/news/reuters/brain_clock_dc.html

Nerina

IRON MAN II - Is this possible?

After reading the epilogue by Mike Krumboltz. I was very much suprised to find out that there may be an Iron Man II in the works.According to Krumbltz, audience member who stayed back after the credits rolled got a speak peak into the next Iron Man movie. As an Iron Man fan, I was very much suprised to find this out. I may even stay back to see the sneak peak of the next movie in the making. In anticipiation of the sneak peak, I hope the movie truly lives up to its expectations as the first big flick of the summer. Here is what Krumblotz has to say about the movie.

Mike Krumblotz, Epilogue on Iron Man

Iron Man may be B-list, but folks hungry for a super hero, couldn't care less. The first big flick of the summer took in over $100 million in its opening weekend. Obviously a lot of folks watched Robert Downey Jr. kick butt as the metallic maniac, but only those who stayed past the credits got the whole story. You see, after the credits roll and audiences learn who the "best boy" was, viewers are treated to an even bigger surprise. Avert your gaze if you don't want to know. Still here? OK, so after the credits, Colonel Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) asks our iron hero if he thinks he's the only superhero (a rhetorical question, we assume). Fury then says he needs to talk to Iron Man about "the Avenger Initiative."

After word of the bonus scene started to spread, searches surged on Mr. Jackson and his character, Nick Fury. Also spiking were lookups on "marvel avengers," "who are the avengers" and "avengers roster."

Those who wonder how the Avengers would stack up against other comic book crews typed in "avengers vs. x-men" and "avengers vs. fantastic four." Members including Thor, Captain America, and Ant-Man also posted impressive gains. And though it's already a foregone conclusion, lookups on "iron man 2" soared into the thousands. Hopefully fans won't have long to wait.

Let me know what you think or know about Iron Man II?

Meditating With Priya

Last week during my Money and Meaning of Life class with Professor Kate McKeown, we had a very unconventional speaker that fits the description for an unconventional class. Guest speaker Priya as we all know her as, is a woman beyond her years. She as acquired much experience and knowledge that can surpass any yeomen or guru. Madame Priya as I have begun to call her, is in my opinion the best thing that I have ever come across.

A brief background of Madame Priya...she started out as a journalist, then sought to surpass her male competitors by becoming a photographer in just two days through the help of a good colleagues. Madame Priya, with her lovely British accent had the opportunity to follow the Beetles around when they toured in the United States. Just when you think think women has done it all she slaps you with the fact that she had direct dealing with the lead singer John. Much to my amazement, Madame Priya is by far one of the most outspoken individuals that I have had the esteem to meet. Never in a million years would I have guess the thing that Madame Priya told us in class last Wednesday.

Personally, I feel that Pryia was a little eccentric for my taste but, in more ways than one the eccentricities game together as real life advices that most of us just brush off normally. I think the hardest thing that I had difficulty accepting is that we should not idolize our parent. Madame Priya felt that no one in general should be idolized. If your parent wanted to have you then it was their problem and that you should not feel guilty and idolize them for doing so. Typically, in a Guyanese household, the children are made to feel guilty for any and everything that they do. They are always made to think that their parents are like Gods and Goddesses and should be honored accordingly. Madame Priya would say that this is a bunch of horseshit (for a lack of a better word). Parent brought you into this world because they wanted to do so. It is for this reason that they should not use guilt to make the child surrender to the will of the parent.

Madame Pryia goes on to talk about several other issues, such as...

1. The world today is caught up in idolizing each other. Priya wants people (us) to begin thinking and using our own minds in order to get things done. Do not rely on the will of other, when your will is stronger than most people that we idolize.


2. What we need to do is stop idolizing each other and begin looking at ourselves, as well as the world that we live in. There is so much going on around us both mentally and physically that needs to be acknowledge than just mere people.


3. No one person is better than the other. For this reason we should not categorize people by class, race, color, religion, etc. Life is life and we all need to begin to see that no one person, race, religion, etc can surpass another in this life.


4. Do onto other as you would have them do onto you. This statement is simple, the way you want to be treated is the same way that you treat others around you.


5. Ambition is what kills the heart. When this happens the person is no longer enjoying whatever it is they are doing. In order to avoid this I think respect (a closer examination of one self) needs to be accomplished.


6. Life is the only force in the universe, according to Madame Priya. When we are one with the universe we are at one with the soul. For a Hindu like me, reincarnation is a big thing. This means the when my body is no longer functional, I will be free from all the responsibilities of the world. Madame Priya, talked about being free from all obligation. For me freedom will come when I can separate my self from my shell (this body) and from this life (the world). Only then can I obtained freedom. The world we live in is full of negatives and the mind is constantly soaking up these negativity. So how do we rid ourselves of these negativity when the world is a major influence. We don't. Learning to separate the soul from the body and mind is key. When we have amount to this level only then can we sever this connection between body, mind, and soul.


7. Finally the last thing that Madame Priya cover that I think applies to everyone in some way or another is the act of being courageous and taking risks, in order to live life without the obligations that are imposed on us.

Life is a strange thing, what we make of it is up to us. We can lead a life of pain and suffering or we can alter it according to Karma. The decision is up to you. Make the good choices and lead the life of a 'free person' or make the wrong decisions and you may find your life in a hole...whatever it may be make a choice. Mistakes happens. It's only human to make but, its also the actions that you take to correct them that makes a bigger difference. So live, love, and take risks. The biggest risk is one that you will never regret.

With that said let me know what you think.

Nerina

The West Wing (Museum of Natural History) - Islam

This visit of mine was one of the most rewarding experience I have had going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. During this visit, I was given a chance to explore the West Wing of the museum. In this wing, against the wall the viewers can see artifacts across the ages of Islamic history. From regular house potteries to coronation sword, you can see it all. The tour guide for this forum was Professor Steven Wolfe. Professor Wolfe took on a journey through the age of Islam and began explaining how the Muslim religion has influenced other cultures. Professor Wolfe began by showing us some common pieces, like house pottery and idols.
Next, as we moved through the wing looking at different pieces, I notice a payer carpet that Professor Wolfe (Art Department at Fordham University) did not talk about, but rather just passed by on the way. On the carpet it-self I noticed intricate designs in the form of mosque, a prayer bowl hanging in the middle of a archway of the mosque, stars, and a moon (a common symbolism of the Islam and the Muslim culture). The following piece that were given a great deal of attention was common Chinese pottery with design similar to Islamic designs. In regards to the Chinese pottery, Professor Wolfe spoke a great deal about the influences Islam has had on the rest of the world. He began by explaining how these influences started and then moved towards why it was significant.
According to Professor Wolfe, Islam’s main success and the true reason why it survived so long is due to its way of begin able to adapt. These art pieces survived because of their influences not because its people kept them from being destroyed. During the tour, I did not realize why Professor Wolfe stressed these influences but know that I have heard them and can consider then a little more clearly, now I know why they are important to Islam and us.
For the duration of this visit, the only items that I found interesting in regards to Islamic art were a selective few pieces. For instance, my favorite of all the items was a jewel encrusted coronation sword, which holds numerous emerald and diamonds on it. The blade itself is hand crafted and the handle itself is of Islamic/Indian design with jewels on almost every inch of it. I found this piece most significant because it not only reminded me of my Indian art but also who similar this sword looks to that of a Raja’s sword (Indian word for King). Another item that I found wired but also very intriguing was a begging bowl (Kashkul). Professor Wolfe did not mention much about this item but I still find the mysteries that it holds most fascinating. During my own research, I found out that numerous Sufi holy men and the poor individuals used the Kashkul as a way of asking or begging for alms of food and daily bread. The bowl is in the shape of a double coconut (coco-de-mer) and bears the signature of the maker on it. It strictly serves the purpose of its name, a bowl to ask for alms. The final item that caught my eye at the conclusion of the forum was selective pages from the Quran. Aside from these printed pages of Islamic writings, there is no actual book like that of Christianity that houses Allah’s message. I found it very interesting that pages of a holy book would be considered art rather than an important book.

India Study Tour 2008

How to Make Meaning In the World?

What I liked most about The Art of the Start by Guy Kawasaki is by far the valuable lesson that Guy teach young entrepreneurs like myself. I think by alleviating what every entrepreneur feel (the fear of failure) not only makes this book valuable tool but, one that every entrepreneur should utilize. What I liked the most is the concept of GIST (Great Ideas For Starting Things). GIST are tools that most people do not know about and as a result are bound to failure. Ignorance is by far man’s greatest downfall. What we do know now has the potential to hurt us later on down the road. I think for me this is what makes me different from other entrepreneurs in the events planning industry.
Do not get me wrong—there are people within my industry that has made it. However, in my opinion it was just sheer dumb luck. I think in order to make meaning in the world, one has to fist make a meaning for themselves. In blatant terms, if you do not know what you want to do in life how do you expect to make the world better. The average person goes about life thinking that they can better the world by doing fifty different thing, but most do not realize the state of their own lives. They forsake one thing to better the world never realizing that they are adding to the problem not helping to extinguish it.
In terms of making meaning for one’s self, I think my meaning comes from a variety of things. Firstly, I think I draw my inspiration from my passion for life and family. I love to dream and make other’s dreams come true. This is why I choose events planning (specializing in weddings). Weddings in today’s society are taken for granted in more ways than one. Most weddings are view in terms of its splendor rather than the meanings that are associated with it. I think this how I intend to make the world better--by instilled the original values along with the splendor that is associated with today’s weddings and other events carrying special meanings.
I grew up with very specific values of what marriages is all about. Growing up in a Guyanese-Indian household, I was taught that marriage is very sacred and that it was unbreakable because every pair was made in heaven. (I guess you can call me a hopeless romantic.) Anyways, as I grew up I kept believing this and I think in some part of my mind this is still in play. How will I make the world better—I intend to combine my personality strengths (achiever, relator, focus, woo, and input) [1] along with the values that marriage contains to enhance whatever events I plan. I feel when couples who are tying the knot, it should be for all the right reasons. For this reason, I want to combine my services with the values of marriage to make my client’s weddings and events something that they dream about and not what they just settle for last minute. By keeping this or a similar ideology and customer value this is how business men and women are going to make the world better for us all—and like Guys states, “preventing the end of something good.”

[1] These personality strengths were the result of reading: Buckingham M. and Clifton D. O., Now, Discover Your Strengths. After finishing the book I used the code provided by the distributor to do the Strength Finder’s Test.